Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

January marks our calendar as the first month of the year. A time for new promise – new hope … perhaps new beginnings.  A good friend of mine has a birthday a little more than a week after mine.  Since we became adults, it’s been a tradition of ours to go out and celebrate our born days over a tasty meal.

What makes this occasion a real treat is not the $40-50 plate; not the shared birthday; not the location; nor the fact that we can get away from the kids for an evening (though that helps).  Simply hanging out with friends and exchanging laughter is amusement enough.

I know that hanging out with friends over dinner is nothing new. Many people do it more regularly than me I’m sure.  Consider this blog nothing more than a reminder.  This year, make the time to enjoy a meal with your close ones.  Do you have parents that haven’t been out in a while? A couple that you know is going through something?  A sibling or neighbor that could use a good laugh?  Invite them out to dinner and let the good times roll.

This year, no matter the economy, no matter how busy you are, take the initiative to find some good eats with good friends.  Oh, and There’s Always Room for Dessert. LOL.

ACM

I don’t like to use my blog to vent too often, but I have a pet peeve — and it has to do with pulling up to a traffic light and having children walk up to my car asking for money to support their trip to “the championship game”.  What bothers me is not that I can’t reach into my pocket and give $2 or reach into my ashtray and dump all my loose change in their bucket; what irks me is the effect that I think this type of practice will create for these impressionable minds.

Perhaps I’m reading too deep into this. I do not mean to say that children should not feel inclined to ask for help from their community – what I’m more concerned of is that the adults who are leading children to these intersections are teaching children to ask for a handout, rather than teaching them how to earn their means to their desired goal.

Why can’t the team invite me to one of the local games and charge a small admission? Maybe they can hold a concession stand or offer car washes? I just don’t like the idea of giving children a bucket and sending them to every car stalled at a traffic light – not when there’s a more life-teaching way to help them earn money for the team.

As a little league girls softball coach for the past three years, I would never consider sending my girls out to ask for money to help us get to our tournament. I would meet with the parents and come up with ways to earn funding. Of course I would put those little girls to work, but make no mistake they would clearly see that we are all talented, skilled and innovative enough to earn the funding we need – for whatever purpose.

Although, I may still decide to help the occassional child that strolls by my car wearing a jersey and holding a bucket for contributions,  I think I will hold a conversation with that coach or parent that is usually off to the side on their cell phone, sitting in some foldable recreation chair.

Should I ask them for a few bucks so I can get to my destination?  It would be interesting to hear their response.

For years Lil’ Wayne has dedicated himself to gangsta rap, selling the messages of fast money, sex and even death, as he climbed the charts, amassed fame and piled on riches.

I’ve resented his music, his swagger, his artistry – not because I’m hating on his success, but because in communities that need more positive messages, Weezy and other gangsta rappers inherit the status of role model leading impressionable minds down paths that praise low hanging pants, disrespect for authority, womanizing thuggish behavior and a few other less complimentary antics.

A few months ago, however, Lil Wayne’s song “How to Love” grabbed my attention. This edgy, yet simple love ballad showed a more sensitive, mature side of Wayne that deserved recognition.

You’ve had a lot of crooks trying to steal your heart, never really had luck … never really figured out how to love.

Catchy, memorable, bonafide good song … in my opinion.

After weeks of watching undiscovered artists sing their rendition of the song on YouTube, I finally got a chance to see the official video, which came out 8/24.  I must say I was impressed. The imagery fits perfectly, leaving the maturity and growth of Wayne to be applauded.

The video’s plot — a young woman abused by men, grows up in a world where the wrong decisions are the only practical options for her survival. Promiscuity, stripping, prostitution, teenage pregnancy all bring this girl down to hopelessness and even the unfortunate fate of contracting HIV.

Then, the video rewinds and shows the life of this woman after making all the “right” decisions.  So for example – even after becoming pregnant as a teenager, rather than trying to live on the streets, the girl moves back home with her mother. She stays out of trouble, meets a good man, gets married, and her daughter instead of becoming a victim of abuse, driven toward making wrong decisions and facing the harsh consequences for her actions, she takes the opportunity of an education, finds true love and begins a family … the perfect happy ending.

And yet I complain.

I love happy endings and stories that come full circle, but the message of the video slightly bothers me.  Why?  Because it suggests that Lil Wayne  knows the difference between good decisions and bad decisions and the rewards and consequences that are attached for making one over the other.

While founded on an abusive relationship, the video clearly shows how tough life can be when bad choices are made – even if forced to make those choices and “the good life”, i.e. a monogamous relationship, marriage, responsible parenting, etc. can lead to the better life.

Showing this outcome and making the distinction in the video tells me that rappers (like Lil Wayne) who claim that wholesome qualities are somehow unfamiliar, unattainable, uncool, etc. know what is considered good, yet despite knowing, they choose to package and sell the negative messages they endorse. If Lil wayne truly believes that good choice make for a better life, why not make that his platform?  Why not push those message points? Don’t tell me it won’t sell. Don’t tell me it won’t have an impact. The current hip hop filth is selling and its influencing — and now this song, with its positive message is making waves in the music world.

If there is even a chance that Lil Wayne could read this blog, I would say this to him.

Hey Mr. Carter, tell me where you been?

You’ve had hits before.  You’ve made money. You’re a mogul. Look at how THIS song is climbing the charts. Look at the types of people who are  listening, and singing THIS song. It’s influential and just as real as your other music. But THIS song, which made my playlist a month ago, can can do more than make money. It can make a difference.

I wish you continued success in your career.

Getting Sharp in 2011

I learned something during the holidays – doing nothing is as addictive as any other bad habit.

I know all too well, the challenge and stress that come from juggling. From one perspective, it appears managing time, meeting competing deadlines and trying to be in two places at the same time can grate on you. It’s almost as if bits of you are being shaved off to eventually leave you with nothing.  That is the wrong perspective.

Don’t think of it as a grating effect. Rather think of it as a sharpening process. Like a pencil having the uneven, jagged and dull edges removed – sometime with a little pain, but all for our more sharpened, honed point.

In 2010, I made a mistake. I actually made many, but one that’s relevant to discuss in this blog. January of this year, I entered 2010 with the thought of protecting my time. Avoiding commitments, keeping my hand down when asked to volunteer and just comfortably getting things done in the background. I admit, it was a comfortable way to operate, but there’s a cost with that style of living. You lose part of your social skill set, your “urgency clock” becomes a little off and well, you get a little rusty

For 2011, I’m planning to fill my time with good sharpeners. Among my long to-do list, I’ll continue to pursue my Master’s, will find time to write and I plan to head back to the gym (was almost afraid to put that in writing). I know now that keeping mobile and agile helps keep you mobile and agile.

So while I’ll still work to protect my time and not overwhelm myself with responsibility in 2011, I’ll do so with a more strategic eye. I’ll ask myself what can be gained from taking on a new task, what can be lost if I don’t and ultimately will try to do those things that  offer more gain. The new year will be here in just a matter of hours. I now have my plan ready. Wishing you the best.

ACM

I love my daughters.  I love them because their mine.  Slowly, over the years however I’ve noticed that I like them too. I mean, their personalities too. In other words, I like WHO they are. Now, I don’t dare think my daughters are perfect or BETTER than other kids, they make mistakes. At times, they misbehave. But, when it comes to the deep-seeded values I’ve tried to place in them, they not only get it, they are holding on to it.

Over the years of watching them play in the back yard with each other and neighborhood kids, I would observe HOW they play. I’ve watched them calm down other kids and encourage fairness and discourage meaness, which sometimes kids can embody. The biggest confirmation, however, that lets me know they have the personalities I admire is when I’m watching and they don’t know it. They still play with the same integrity and fairness as if I’m right there in the room.

Last weekend I traveled with my oldest daughter to South Carolina to the Capital Book Festival. I actually enjoyed our trip, both being at the festival and riding in the car talking and singing “GLEE” songs with Kayla. The whole time in SC we had fun talking and hanging out – as Father and daughter – yes.  But also as two people who simply enjoyed each other’s company. I always enjoy hanging with these girls.

Now my eight year old is asking to be a part of my next road trip. I’m all for it.

Take my three year old? I love her and like her, but  not yet.

The saying – “There is a time and place for everything” is so true. Recently, I had the privilege of doing some people watching and listening while riding the bus from work. The number 40 after 5 p.m. can produce great fodder for blogging and story-telling.

Two young women sat in the far back – one row behind me.  I didn’t really get a chance to see what they looked like, but by the tone in their voices and the conversation, I could tell that they were in their early to mid-twenties.

The conversation went something like this:

“So, you haven’t told your mom yet?”

“I’m going to wait til she get’s home.”

“Well, I think she ought to know now. You were supposed to tell her before graduation.”

“Would you let me handle it?  Please!”

“I already told Scott and he said he’s telling her tonight.”

Then came the cussing and name calling. Though they both tried to conceal their anger throuh this raspy awkward form of whispering, you could tell that they wanted to scream at the top of their lungs.  I also heard would could have been a tearful exchange, but not absolutely sure.

“Why would you do that?”

“Well, you promised. I’m tired of waiting for you.”

Hearing just portions of the conversation, it appeared that one of the two had a mother that was in the hospital for something.  The other wanted her friend to tell her mom some sort of news while she was in the hospital. The other thing that I could gather from the exchange was that it was something important to share and it was supposed to be relayed some time ago – but hadn’t.

Who knows what he was supposed to tell his mom – I have my suspicions, but that’s the beside the point. For a friend to urge another to tell his mother something, while she’s sick in the hospital (whether promised or not) is just insensitive for that particular time.  I mean, it must be difficult enough to keep such important news from a loved one and battle internally on whether or not the news should be shared. 

If a friend, or family member pressured me to do or say something at a time when I didn’t feel comfortable and then performed an action that would get the news out during a time other than my choosing, that friend would no longer be considered a friend.

Lately, I’ve been trying to see myself in others – either for the good or bad. It’s harder for me to pass judgement on people, when I see myself. As I made up my mind that the “friend” who told scotty was not a good friend, I thought about the times when I pressured someone to do or talk about something at a time they didn’t feel comfortable – for whatever reason. Then I recalled times that I felt pressure by others to do something, be somewhere or discuss something when I didn’t want feel up to it.

Rather than ask me tot alk  about an argument during a Superbowl, or request someone put money up when things are tight a true friend would allow you to reschedule, offer to be a part of the difficult decision or simply give that person the time to needed.

If there is a chance that any of the three has an opportunity to read this blog – I did leave with them a book post card that has MooreNovels.com prominently displayed – I say this:

Doubling the pressure on a piece of coal does not produce diamonds any faster. In fact, too much pressure too soon, actually causes coal to evaporate into natural gas.

I spoke with a long time friend today – a very ambitious entrepreneur.  In fact, he’s so accomplished, in his 36 years of living, he’s yet to hold a full time job. In all of his adult life, he’s been about owning and building his own business. I on the other hand have held a few full time communications positions, have achieved success in my work and with my writing and continue to see areas of growth and opportunity – as does he.

We talked about our different paths and how much more in life we wanted to achieve.  Both of us complimented each other on our accomplishments and our drive to do more, but the interesting point of the conversation occured when we started to compare notes. We were talking about the thing that made us somewhat the same and we found out what it was – we isolated ourselves from mainstream mess.  Bot of us could not tell you who won artist of the year on the BET music awards, we don’t know what season or episode any of the popular reality TV series is in and we don’t listen to the radio – hardly ever. (Okay, I listen to christian or spiritual radio when taking my girls to school – but most of the time, I’m listening to a podcast on a particular work-related or goal-related topic, or I’m thinking about next steps in pursuit of my life goal.

Everyday should have some time carved out to fill up on something to help build you to the next level.  If you’re not careful, someone or something will take that time or you’ll give it up to add some nonsense or busy work to your life. Trust me, if you’re listening, watching, or working to or for someone else – its because they’ve taken the time to build themselves to the level whereby you are interested or locked into giving them your attention.

Is Atlanta Housewives really that interesting?  The next time you decide to give :30 minutes, an hour or a few minutes to that sitcom, reality show or song – explore whether or not you’re replacing that time with something that will one day help you get to the point where others are listening to what you have to say or watch what you’re doing.

Turn the TV off.  Think when you drive. Write up that goal and work towards it – even if its little by little.

Don’t miss the mess!

My job recently relocated to downtown Baltimore and I made it a point to try to avoid the high price of parking – cue in public transportation. So I’m  riding the bus these days. Okay it’s been two days, but two days of public transportation experience that I’ve never had before – and for now, I’m actually enjoying it.

The first day – getting to work was a  breeze. I planned my course,  found the right bus and schedule. The first day, I paid the $1.60 and grabbed a seat. I was at work 25 minutes later. Smooth and easy. Coming home on the other hand a different story. I missed my bus and picked up the next bus that was labeled for the same location.

What I learned (mind it the hard way) was that I missed the express bus, but caught the bus that had the same destination – though it wasn’t labeled express. This bus took the scenic route, coasting me through some very distressed blocks of boarded-up and bricked-up homes. I saw busted steps, police “Do Not Cross” tape, some blue-light crime cameras and perhaps a less than desirable transaction or two. 

It was a good ride.

As I rode through several blocks of reminders – reminders of how blessed and fortunate I am; reminders to pray for a communities outside of my circle and reminders to always appreciate the reminders, I was glad to have gotten on THAT bus.

So, when the bus FINALLY got to the lot, where my car was waiting. I said a prayer of thanks. Last week, my car’s “check engine” light came on. (Don’t you hate that?) I was thinking about trading it in. Despite that light, I love my car. When I pulled up to my home, the crooked  bush that still needs to be clipped stared at me and for the first time this spring, I didnt wish to yank it out. 

Do you need a dose of thankfulness. Do you need to really appreciate where you are in life?  Get on this bus.  Not the express bus – don’t just just bypass  through the scenery, ride the slower bus. Take in the scenery – good or bad. You can sit next to me.

I’m a fan of comics and science fiction. (I probably should start off with that before getting into this quick bit). While driving my daughter’s to school one day, we started talking about certain fictional superheroes and asking which super human powers we would like to have if we could choose one. We went through them all – strength, speed, super genious intelligence (this one was sort of a trick choice – with the caveat that you couldn’t think up new powers) and many others. The two that had the most interesting debate were teleportation or flight.
Both have their advantages. Both allow you to get where you want to go very conveniently, but just based on OUR conversation (so this is not scientific), it occured to me that the choice of flight allows you to experience the journey in getting to your destination. You can see the beauty and bad in between point A to point B. You literally can see where came from, where you are and where you’re going. With teleportation, however you’re just interested in the destination. Don’t care how you get there. Not even sure you appreciate the travel – aren’t many of us that way?
I have a goal and I want to get there as quickly as I can, but I’m almost certain instant arrival is not the best way. The journey actually prepares you for the destination. Think about this – if you’re flying to your tropical island and see from miles above there’s a war or volcanic eruption, you can change course. There’s plenty of time to make adjustments. If one second in your living room and decide in the next you want to be on that same island – you

This smart phone does everything.

After having my Motorola Droid for two weeks, I lost it. And the way it happened made the experience even more gut wrenching.   

On Valentine’s Day, my wife and I went out. Before finding a restaurant, we stopped by the Verizon store for accessories. I was using a cheap belt clip that  fell off sometimes because of its weak grip. I was offered a better clip for $30. $30!!! I declined and walked.  

While at dinner, I turn the ringer off so as to not be disturbed. We had a nice evening. Ate, drank, talked, paid and left. When we got home, I noticed our neighbor having a hard time free her car from the snow.  I decided to be a good Semaritan. After about a half hour of digging and pushing,  I reach for my phone to make sure it’s still there and JIMINY CRICKET- it was gone. I searched EVERYWHERE - our car, under my neighbor’s car and no luck. I even drove back to the restaurant. And since I turned the ringer off, I wouldn’t be able to hear the phone ring if it was near anyways. I prayed for help.  The next day I called Verizon to temporarilydeactivate the phone and and request a replacement. Usually, replacements come the next day, but not this time. Several go by, which made me hate my situation even more. I spend a lot of time talking to friends and co-workers about my disappointment.

Fast forward.

My wife calls  me at work to tell me the phone arrived.  About a week after reporting it lost. (They blamed the snow.) So after work, I went to the Verizon store to purchase the $30 belt clip. Wouldn’t you know it, the same sales person who tried to sell me the clip the first time had a smirk on her face as she operated the register. 

I didn’t want to tell her I lost my phone, but I wanted to know if someone turned it in at the Verizon wireless store.  

“Not a Motorola Droid! You can kiss that phone good bye!  Nobody is going to turn that phone in.” 

       :/           

When I got home, I unboxed and charged my new baby and watched On Demand with my wife. Around 9 p.m., I receive an unrecognized phone call.  Normally, I don’t answer the phone when there is an unrecognized number but this time I picked up.

“Hello,” 

 ”Hello, my name is Fred. I found your Motorola phone and it took me a week to find the right kind of plug to charge it so I could call the owner.” 

I almost dropped the phone in surprise and excitement. I gave God a high five and a thank you and made arrangement to pick it up from him that night. He was at the restaurant, where my wife and I ate the previous week. He said he found it in the snow in the parking lot as he was leaving.  So when I get there to meet him, he handed me my phone. I reached into my pocket and tried to give him a few dollars for his trouble or at least a finders fee. HE REFUSED!  He said, the phone was mine and he is just doing what he would want done for him.  

I left feeling all warm inside.  Before pulling out of the parking lot, I made sure i didn’t drop anything. I sat in the car and prayed.  Before that evening, I was starting to question the real value of doing the right thing, I’m so glad that question received the answer I was looking for.